A Cold Night
by Sternenlicht
Summary: Just a short attempt at Arwen's feelings after Aragorn's death. Bookverse! Quite sad, I hope.


A/N: Just a short story besides my other one "Alda mi mornie" (*hint, hint*). It tells about Arwen's feelings after Aragorn's death. I hope I have managed to keep her in character!  
  
  
  
It was written quite fast, and there may be mistakes, especially since English is not my first language. Forgive me those! Please read and review!!!!!!  
  
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Tolkien, the great master, and I do not earn any money with this story.  
  
  
  
A cold night  
  
  
  
Tonight the starlight is merely cold.  
  
Always had it shone upon my head, rejoicing my heart, but not tonight. A cold wind is howling through the streets, and I shiver.  
  
Light from windows wants to penetrate the shadows, yet it cannot. Darkness kills my soul, tears cannot fall.  
  
The city is silent, grief rules tonight. Men can weep, and I am doomed to be silent. None knows about my pain, although I do not try to hide it. They might feel it, for the mirrors tell of lifeless eyes, of features haggard and drained. Still, they whisper behind my back. "No tears," they say. Maybe it is only I who can see my anguish. To them I look beautiful, nothing staining my face, my soul. There was only one who knew me, and he is no more.  
  
Each step is an effort, each intake of breath a task hardly able to be managed. I want to cry, want to shout, tell the world of my pain.  
  
An Elf does not.  
  
Torches try to illuminate the way, a lonely man passes me, inclining his head, murmuring "Lady". I do not answer, I cannot. I cannot open my mouth, for then a yell would have come out, the tears would have never stopped again.  
  
Our son embraced me, holding me tight. Our daughters wept in my arms. My dress became wet, yet I did not feel it. I am numb. The crown was held by Eldarion, in this moment a token of unimportance. He would have liked to cry, not allowing himself to do so. After moments he left the chamber, telling our people. Wailing arose in the streets, sad songs, mourning, filled the air.  
  
But now they are silent again. A day has passed, the sun which had ever shone upon his hair has left the world. Tomorrow it will be a different one, one that will no longer caress his face, one that has not seen his smile. Neither the moon nor the stars can bring joy, for their light is cruel to me. It seems as if nothing has changed, and yet, the world has been destroyed this morning.  
  
He was lying there, cold, and lifeless and dead. What had I given to feel his warmth again? To see his eyes of gray sparkling at me with tenderness in them?  
  
Alas, why did you have to go? Our life together has been too short, and now only memories remain. I loved every moment I could be at your side, every single glance, and each touch that spoke of your feelings. You cannot be dead.  
  
It feels as if the starlight wants to penetrate my soul, lying bare everything that is in me. But it would not find many things – only my love for you. I feel alone.  
  
Not only because there is no one in the streets, but because your death has burned a hole in my heart. I am not whole anymore, the most important part of my being has been taken away. You have always been in my mind, and I felt joy at the thought of seeing you again in the evenings, in the mornings, during the day. But now I only have memories, and they hurt.  
  
I can see you in the moment we met for the first time, in the gardens of Rivendell. You were only a Man, but I felt as if I had never seen one more beautiful before. Your eyes sparkled in the sun, you called me "Tinúviel" and never has a name been fairer as when spoken by your lips.  
  
I can see you in the moment we plighted our troths, on the hill of Cerin Amroth. You had become more mature since the time we had met last, more solemn, and yet had your eyes not lost their beauty. One could think your innocence had disappeared in the battles, but it was not so. I laughed as you picked a flower for me, and still this can bring a smile to my lips. Almost a miracle, I guess.  
  
I can see you in the moment we married, in the White City, after the war. You carried cares you did not have before, and a kingly crown was set upon your brow. Yet, you had not changed. There was still the young man I had fallen in love with, almost seventy years before. For the first time we could show our love openly, and I was glad as you kissed me in front of our whole people. There was no better way to show that I belonged to you.  
  
I can see you in the moment we first held our son in our arms. You were so happy, the smile on your face was unbelievable. You caressed his brow, his cheeks, your hands gently holding him as if being afraid to break the tiny fingers. "I love you," you murmured, and I have always known that you had meant him and me.  
  
And, alas, I can see you in the moment you died. You were lying there, and it looked as if you fell asleep. Yet, you did not continue to breath, your chest not rising anymore. Coldness replaced the gentle warmth of our skin, and I knew that you would never be able to embrace me again. The Gift of Men took you away from me. I can merely accept, but never understand. Why did Ilúvatar not give you a longer life, why could you be no Eldar?  
  
I forsook immortality for you, and never have I felt regret. I do not even do so now. I wish that you were still alive, but I would have died of grief by now if I had gone to Valinor without you. An eternal life… I shiver at this thought. Never then would I have felt your touches, your kisses. Never would I have heard soft words of love, murmured in quiet nights, sometimes when you thought that I was asleep already.  
  
A candle ever burned in our room, illuminating the dark night, casting a soft glimmer on your skin. It looked like gold or bronze then, the black hair cascading on your shoulders deepening the image of a being higher than a Man. Often have I watched you while you slept, lips slightly parted, your chest rising and falling rhythmically. I loved to listen to your steady heartbeat while you were not awake. We fell asleep embracing each other, but I always ended with my ear on your chest, listening and stroking your soft skin.  
  
I love you so much, and I will never stop loving you. Not until I will die, but I deem that this time will come soon, for I do not want to live without you by my side. You were my strength, I needed you like a flower needs water not to die.  
  
A mallorn bloom is resting in your hands, my king. It came with the wind, swirling in the morning breeze, and when I reached out it fell in my fingers. I laid it in yours that you might remember me wherever you are. Maybe we will meet again, and then I will recognize you by the white blossom in your hands, so fragile, so beautiful. Alas, I long for that moment.  
  
Tomorrow I will leave the city. I cannot bear being there without you, since each stone reminds me of you. I will go to Lothlórien where I might find peace. A green grave shall be everything that will remain of me. And maybe the stars will not be cold there, maybe they will warm my heart until I can forsake my mortal life to be with you again.  
  
  
  
  
  
Please review! Constructive critics are very welcome! 


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